High on life. Or on sleeping pills. You decide.

Tonight as I write this post, I have a very small window to work with because I took my sleeping pill before sitting down at the computer. (oh, the delight of sleeping drugs; as my mother said not-so-long-ago, "I am in complete control of my sleeping patterns. As long as I have my sleeping pill.") I didn't realize how much I had to write about until I began loading photos; a lot happened, yet not much. The dichotomy that is my life. Lots going on, but nothing monumental. I suppose that is what composes our lives--many seemingly inconsequential tidbits combining to create a life of meaning. (Aristotle, anyone?)

So, a quick run-down of the weekend before I fall into a drug-induced coma onto my keyboard. We received this package on Friday from my mom, which was stuffed full of books for the kids. I was kind of expecting them to open it and say, "Awww, books," and fizzle away to play; instead, they said, "BOOKS!!!" and wanted to read them immediately. Max is very excited to read his, which is an adventure about a boy lost on a river, but can't tear himself away from Fablehaven quite yet. Thanks to the Grande Dame of Good Mail. We love you!


Also in the mail on Friday was a letter tres elegante from darling Claudia. These two morsels of mail cheered my otherwise blase day.


I have been living in between worlds this last week--half of my brain has been dwelling in this book while I go about my daily rigors:
I finally finished on Monday, feeling physically and mentally EXHAUSTED. I'd been reading late into the night, thinking about it all day but unable to read (busy toddler!), then reading again late into the night. A fun read.



Max has been taking Jack out for evening stroller rides, before Baby's bedtime, to calm him down. Unfortunately, that habit is coming to a close due to the sudden chilly weather.


The girls spent Friday afternoon setting up their school--and played far into the night with our cute neighbors, Emma & Lucy. They were so enthusiastic about it and playing so perfectly together, I didn't have the heart to put a stop to it. So basically school was in session in the girls' room from 4-9pm. And the next day Lucy was at the door, 10am sharp, ready for school, bright-eyed and ready to play. They played school ALL DAY, again, from 10am-6pm. I was kissing Isabelle & Mimi goodnight on Saturday, 2 yoga-breaths away from melting down because of their trashed bedroom, and stopped in my tracks and just had to smile. I realized that they hadn't watched one minute of tv or played one minute of video games all weekend. Totally worth the mess.

And then I remembered walking into the room earlier that day, baffled at the total chaos and asking them, "How do you girls make such a giant mess???" Mimi looked up at me from the floor where she was diligently doing her "schoolwork" and said, "But we like to PLAY!" Well. That pretty much sums it up. Totally worth the mess.

(I love these sweetie friends for my girls. They're all going to have such good memories of playing their guts out with each other! Remember Emma from the Cilantro Incident? And their mom Christine, of the famed Yellow Diet Coke Cup, is a lifeline for me. I don't know how I could have survived this last 18 months without her! She's the kind of neighbor who's got your back. The kind of neighbor who won't turn you into Child Protective Services. Thank goodness.)

Anyways. We somehow managed to watch General Conference on Saturday; actually, it was pretty manageable. The girls and friends and baby were in their room listening (mmm hmmm. sure.) on the radio, enabling Mike & Max to watch peacefully in the family room and me to watch on the internet downstairs while I assembled their conference packets for Sunday.

I loved Elder Scott's talk about spiritual promptings and also Elder Bednar's talk about 3 ways to become more "diligent & concerned" at home. These can be downloaded here. Hopefully I will remember to post later about these talks because they impacted me quite deeply.

After the Saturday Conference sessions, I beelined to Ali's house to help with her baby shower she was hosting at her house. Isn't her buffet table pretty? I take no credit for the table layout; I acted as dish-doer, food-replenisher, water-refiller, platter-hauler, punch-maker, brownie-bite-sneaker (did I say that aloud?), kitchen-tidier only. I can't even claim altruistic motives because I was there gathering reconnaissance for my own future gatherings: I wanted to snoop out the logistics of a successful event because I have hostess phobia.


Sunday I made our traditional Conference cinnamon rolls. Actually, it's not much of a tradition, more of a hit-and-miss kind of thing, but it WILL be a tradition. Starting....now. (quoting Kramer from "Seinfeld.")


Monday was chilly and we all thought Jack was so cute in his fall fleece. It was a day off from school (girls, of course, held school upstairs in their room), so we spent the day hanging around the house being cozy and then went to the park.


Here are the kids before school today. Immediately after taking this photo, I thought of this one photo of myself in 1st grade...I have Mimi's EXACT FACE in that photo! It's uncanny, really. And after I emailed this picture to my mom she responded, "This is the most Crystal-lookalike Mimi Rose I have ever seen yet!" (we've remarked through the years, at her different stages, how much she looks like me at said stage.) I really must get ahold of my 1st grade school photo and post the two faces together.


Here's a back view of her hair--what we call "Mouse Ears." I take a photo of Mimi's hair nearly every day because we have such fun doing it each morning. I will have quite the photo documentary of her kindergarten mornings!


This is the Favorite Walking Path this morning. Chilly and the leaves are turning.


Baby wasn't too keen on the 34 degree weather. I suppose I'd better bite the bullet and just start going at 6am again, instead of dragging him out at 9:30. Sigh. It is SO hard to drag out of a cozy warm bed and go running (wogging) in the cold dark!!!

The sky was crisp and blue this morning.

I really, really love this path.

In just 6 short days we went from weather suited to this:

to this...

...to this!

What happened to a nice, crisp Fall? It's frigid!

Jack & I play Run & Chase as part of our morning routine. He giggles uncontrollably and it tires him out for naptime.

These pictures are blurry because he's running.

And chasing.

We also snacked quite decadently on pumpkin chocolate chip bread. Look at that cute little bird mouth. This kid is my joy. I just love him to pieces.
And...the post that I started at 9:50pm has taken me two hours to write. TWO! Now I'm having a anxiety about my 6am wogging-wakeup-call. Drat.

General Conference

Photo: Jeffrey D. Allred, Deseret News

Photo: Jason Olson, Deseret News


Isabelle's portrait of President Monson

This was one of the best General Conferences in my recent memory. Several talks resounded in me with great impact. Here are a few of my favorites, accompanied by quotes I scribbled down while listening:

Elder Uchtdorf
touched upon the multi-faceted pioneer heritage by which Church members around the world are blessed. He emphasized that we all may not come from ancestors who crossed the plains to Utah, but we all have pioneers in our heritage whom forged a path of faith for us. He made mention of a noteworthy pioneer in his family line, Martin Luther (wow).

"We honor and respect sincere souls from all religions, no matter where or when they lived, who have loved God even without having the fullness of the gospel. We lift our voices in gratitude for their selflessness and courage. We embrace them as brothers and sisters, children of our Heavenly Father."

Elder Uchtdorf defined the ultimate heritage as "Faith of Our Father"...our Heavenly Father and his plan of salvation. His talk touched me, as I've been thinking now and then lately of the goodness and example of certain non-LDS women I know.

Elder Holland
gave a very compelling talk addressing the erroneous view that LDS people are non-Christian because of our belief in modern-day prophets who communicate with God. He said that

"continuing revelation does not demean or diminish existing revelation, such as in the Bible...one of the great purposes of continuing revelation through living prophets is to declare to the world, through additional witnesses, that the Bible is true."

Elder Holland spoke opened my thoughts to this topic in a way that hadn't happened before for me, personally. He also said that

" Since it is evident that there were Christians before there was a New Testament, or even an accumulation of the sayings of Jesus, it cannot therefore be maintained that the Bible is what makes one a Christian."

Interesting indeed. He also noted, before delving into the planned topic of his talk, that he could see the settling of the prophetic mantle--almost before our eyes--by angels upon President Monson. When Elder Holland said that, I had to smile because I had the same impression yesterday as I watched President Monson's face as he was sustained; I thought, as I watched his face soak it all in, what a great and humble man he is. I wondered how it must feel to be given such a responsibility and I wondered about the whisperings of the Holy Spirit to him at that moment.

Elder Bednar
delivered one of the most powerful talks I've heard in recent memory. He's amazing. He spoke of "Asking in Faith" as a principle that can help prayers become more meaningful, and gave four examples. Those four little examples left me reeling with the sheer detail and profundity. I plan to refer back to my notes on this one. For instance, here is a short little quote that packs quite a punch:

"To ask in faith means not only to express, but to do; the dual obligation to both plead and perform, the requirement to communicate and to act."

Okay, wow. Talk about an illumination of the scripture "Faith without works is dead."

He emphasized over and over that prayer becomes meaningful when we focus not only on what we need to know, but also on what is needed to be done.

"Faith in Christ leads to righteous action; it enlarges the power within us whereby we are agents unto ourselves."

I took 3 pages of notes during Elder Bednar's talk, feeling all the while that, for me, this is a landmark talk which I will be referring to over & over throughout my life.

Elder Ballard
gave a talk which I felt also to be a landmark talk, in a very different way. His message was less intellectual and more emotional: kind, loving, humorous, touching. I am sure women around the world want to give Elder Ballard a big, grand-daughterly hug today. He spoke about the role of motherhood, particularly to young mothers.

He told a hilarious story from his own life--an experience of his when, after 10 years of serving in the bishopric & enjoying church from sitting up on the stand while his wife toiled on the back row with the children, he took over his wife's duties with the 6 children as she she sang one Sunday with the women of the ward.

"I've never been so busy in my life! I had the hand puppets going on both hands, and that wasn't working too well. The cheerios got away from me and that was embarrassing. The coloring books didn't seem to entertain as well as they should. As I struggled with the children during the meeting I looked up at Barbara & she was watching me and smiling."

Among many things, he said that
* There is no perfect way to be a good mother, because each situation is unique; each has different challenges, different skills & different abilities, and certainly different children.
* What matters most is that a mother loves her children deeply and...prioritizes them above all else.
* Learn how important it is to focus on the things that can only be done in a particular season of life; it is crucial to focus on our children for the short time we have them with us.
* We should seek--with the help of the Lord--to teach them all we can before they leave our homes.

I am always grateful for reminders to make the most of the short time I have with my children (even though some days seem to stretch on for an eternity), because I just know I will feel wistful when they leave, wondering how in the world life passed by so quickly.

Elder Ballard expressed an understanding of the "moments of great joy and incredible fulfillment, but there are also moments of a sense of inadequacy, monotony and frustration. Mothers may feel they receive little or no appreciation for the choice they have made. Sometimes even husbands seem to have no idea of the demands made upon their time. As a church, we have enormous respect and gratitude to you mothers of young children. We want you to be happy and successful in your families, and to have the validation and the support you need and deserve."

I felt so gratified to hear my oft-felt sentiments repeated aloud! I am so blessed to be able to be a stay-at-home mom; it's how I want to raise my kids. But it's not always easy. And to have it stated over the pulpit that an apostle of Christ understands we mothers often feel these emotions brought such a powerful sense of validation--and also a powerful, comforting sense of understanding and love. (later in his talk, Elder Ballard gave suggestions to husbands for what they can do to support their wives. Hearing THESE was also validating!)

Elder Ballard went on to pose & answer 4 questions of how to improve our mothering experience, but I want to be sure to record the first question in particular, if only for my own reference. He asked, "What can you do as a young mother to reduce the pressure and enjoy your family more?" and answered by saying, "Recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. Do not rush past the fleeting moments." Then he quoted Anna Quindlen (a favorite author of mine):

"The biggest mistake I made as a parent is the one that most of us make. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of my three children sitting in the grass, on a quilt, in the shadow of a swing...and I wish I could remember what we ate and what we talked about and how they sounded and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing--dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more, and the getting it done a little less."

Ouch.

"I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone."

She described how I know I will feel years from now, in my perfectly clean house--with none of Mimi's lipstick kisses smeared across my full-length mirror, none of Isabelle's little scraps of paper scattered throughout the house with drawings of our family/kooky animals/love notes, and none of Max's airsoft bullets buried in every square inch of my carpet. I'll finally have a clutter-free house and wonder WHY it was so important to me and WHY I didn't glean joy out of all the happy kid paraphernalia. I know I will feel this way.

My jaw dropped when Elder Ballard said we should "recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in MOMENTS." That is my word for the year! (see post here) Wow. So I really soaked up this talk and (sssshhhhh!) even got a little weepy. I felt it was aimed just at me, to help me in how I've want to improve and the goals I've been working on.

This was one of the best General Conferences for me in recent memory. I love sitting at home, all together, and listening to the prophet and apostles.