Remember this post? That's right. Still waiting for my personality to return. But I figure even if I don't have any energy to have a personality, or clean my house or even put on makeup...I had better get blogging again so I can someday have proof I was alive.
Let's all raise our glasses of Diet Coke and toast: Here's to Crystal emerging from her fog of sleep deprivation and actually blogging again!
{Yes. This is my makeup-less face. Please be my friend anyway.}I am awake, waiting for a chocolate cake to bake (at midnight), and decided THIS is the night to get back in the habit of documenting my life. I am missing recording the ebb & flow of my days and I definitely miss the connections that blogging brings. Coincidentally, Lelly's SPT challenges this month address this very issue; doing these each week this will spur me into action and get me back into the habit of putting my day into writing.
So. Here's what I've been up to this week.
Sunday was my first official day back at church since having the baby. Truthfully, I was a little shell shocked. I sat with the Young Women on the stand and sang as part of the Youth Sacrament Meeting, despite the fact that I sound like some sort of Muppet when I sing. (I really, really cannot sing. It's tragic.) I think the ladies who serve with me in Young Women were flabbergasted that I had actually showed up, considering that I haven't shown my face at church or at an activity for at least three months. (guilty smile)
After church, my little family went to Mike's parents' house. Liz snuggled little Jack and I watched the closing ceremony of the Olympics. I have felt a little bereft since the Olympics have ended. What do I watch during the endless hours of breastfeeding??? The baby is awake and alert in the evening hours and we would sit together in front of the tv all night and snuggle, watching hours and hours of Olympics. Track! Swimming! Rowing! Gymnastics! Especially while in Boise, during the last two weeks of summer, I watched the Olympics every night while helping the baby settle down. He seemed to have an upset tummy or something at night and just wanted to be held and comforted; I will always remember the luxury of sitting on my mom's couch, being able to do nothing else but hold the baby--and I will always associate the summer games with those first few weeks of Baby Joe's little life. Isn't that funny! But those were happy, calm evenings and nights. He'd finally settle down around 11pm or midnight and I would just hold him until 1am, when the games ended for the day.
Monday, like every day, is kind of a blur. I live to serve the whims of a newborn, which throws any sort of organization to the winds. I'm good with it. Some days I get frustrated and feel down on myself because nothing has actually gotten done, but really...I want to hold him and love him as much as I can because already, at two months old, he's much bigger and plumper. Why does this newborn stage pass so quickly? So I try to do a little school with Mimi each day, spend some playtime with her, and love up the baby as much as I can. If I do those things, the day has been a good one. (this is my mantra to repeat to myself)
We wrote letters to Grandma for Family Home Evening and went to ice cream, where I saw Ali, whom I was supposed to be meeting--at that exact time--at her house. That was a hilarious moment. We were both supposed to be at her house and we caught each other at the grocery store instead. We'd made plans to go to the late movie so I could get out of my house and thus save my sanity. (I think I have postpartum issues. I definitely have husband issues.) I'd had a breakdown moment during FHE, delaying our departure for ice cream. Ali had last-minute jr. high homework sprung on her, and wa-la! the two of us met in the grocery store...me, self-medicating with ice cream & she, racing around trying to find index cards. We did meet up for the movie, better late than never, after getting our families settled and dashed off to "House Bunny"--quite possibly the stupidest movie I've ever seen. But nonetheless hilarious, in a brainless, crass sort of way.
Tuesday was spent just coping. I have found I don't get overwhelmed if I simplify and just stay home. I'm still adjusting to having four kids (four!) and taking care of a newborn. Some days, it's all I can do to take a shower and eventually make dinner. (Please note that I did not include "makeup" or "styling hair." Yeah. I'm looking hot these days.)
Max had pack meeting Tuesday night, and I was feeling pretty proud of myself for having it all together. Dinner was made in an organized way (hard to do these days because it seems the baby needs to be fed RIGHT in the middle of dinner prep), the kids were all ready and we showed up 10 minutes early. That's right, folks! Early! Max rode his bike with a friend to pack meeting, but wasn't there. In fact, nobody was there. Two other people showed up and we waited and waited...until 7:30. Wrong place, obviously. How did I not know this? At some point, pack meeting was changed to a different location than usual and I had no idea. I went home feeling very down. I knew Max would be waiting for me to show up and feeling sad because he had a few awards coming to him that night. Some days I feel so incompetent!
Wednesday was Ann's birthday party, which meant a night out with my very best girls at Cheesecake factory. Delightful. We had a light bulb moment and decided to have a friend book club. What took us so long to think of this??? When we get together, the conversation invariably turns to books at some point. I think a book club will be so fun! We are completely at ease discussing anything and everything and I foresee many lively meetings to come.
Thursday was crazy. I left my house at 11am and didn't return until 8:30pm. I went visiting teaching, then out to lunch with my VT companion (thank you Emily, for a much-needed respite), then rushed to get Mimi ready & on time for her cheerleading clinic, then to the mother/daughter activity. I came home exhausted that night but proud that I am able to handle a hectic day, hauling a hungry newborn around, with aplomb.
Friday I just took care of business around the house (it seems to take all day to clean the kitchen, do laundry, help Mimi unravel her hair-twirlies & throw some kind of dinner together), then we all went to the high school football game where Mimi was cheering at halftime with the "junior cheerleaders." She trotted on the field waving like a pro. That girl is hilarious. I could tell that in her head, she was An Official Cheerleader. I admit it--I cringe at the thought of my girls wanting to actually BE a cheerleader. I have a stereotypical judgement that I just can't shake. But Mimi is such a little dance-crazed girlie-girl that I indulged her. I knew she'd love watching the big girls jump around and dance and kick. She did. She loved it. (photos coming soon)
Saturday was mellow. Max worked on scouts most of the day (he gets tunnel vision when the mood strikes him, and whatever he's interested in at the moment becomes almost an obsession). I just loafed around taking care of the baby, Isabelle and Mimi played together most of the day (yay!), and Mike worked on his broken truck. I finally got myself to the grocery store around 2pm.
I am usually such a high-energy, bustling type of person, and it plays with my mind (and emotions!) to be so slow-going. The baby needs quite a bit of attention, so I find myself taking until 11am or so just to get on my feet for the day. On a typical school day my morning goes like this: Jack wakes up & needs to be fed, I juggle that while directing the other kids through their morning and doing Isabelle's hair, get her & Max off to school, by this time the baby needs to be fed again so I do that while Mimi snuggles by me and watches tv. Usually I fall asleep at this time with baby in my arms and Mimi snuggled up to me watching Little Bear or Little Einsteins or Little Bill (what's with all the "Littles?"). I finally peel myself off the couch, feeling a little guilty for being so sluggish, and try to get Mimi dressed and her hair done, help her make her bed and then we go downstairs to do some school. These are simple tasks, but can take a long time for some reason. I'm not quite sure why. The baby just needs me at all times, but I'm not sure what I do when I look back on my day. This plays with my mind. I'm going to have to take note of my daily patterns next week so that I can understand my day. All I know is I have made a conscious effort to take things slowly and try to be okay with that. I am an infamous overplanner and I've tried lately to underplan. (Are you reading this, Mom? Can you believe it?) I've been trying to just take care of the necessities and enjoy this little babe as much as I can.
Moments.
Goodnight.
