Farewell, old friend.

 Yesterday this cute, harmless little fellow...

  

...threw a bottle of nail polish at my computer

and did THIS to my iMac. 

(the same boy who did THIS and killed my iPhone a few months ago.) 

Does "murderous rage" resonate with anyone? Because I felt it. I was homicidal. 

My first instinct was to toss him out the window. 

My second instinct was to put him on the side of the road in a cardboard box marked "free." 

Next came the overwhelming instinct to drown my pain by guzzling a bottle of vodka. Which is a non-existent item in my LDS household, so no luck there. (I prefer to self-medicate with chocolate or carbs.)

I settled for curling into the fetal position & bawling my eyes out.

And yes, I am currently blogging on this cracked screen at this very moment. I feel like I'm looking at the gateway to "Inception," or maybe staring at a visual representation of the fractal theory. Not good for the psyche at 2:17am. 

I'm quite positive looking at this screen had something to do with the Sunday nap dream I had of all my teeth cracking and falling out. 

Fa La La La La...Fell into the Toilet

I am happy to report that the stuffing of the fourth grade take-home folders yesterday was uneventful. I pulled it off without a hitch, due largely (totally) to the fact that the toddler stayed home and, instead of wreaking havoc upon the 4th graders, wreaked havoc in his natural habitat.


December has been a flurry of activity and mishaps. Treat making, house decorating, advent activity-ing, gingerbread cookie-ing, hand slicing, burning hot melted chocolate in aforementioned wound...


(yes. I spilled 3,000 degree chocolate over the cut on my sliced-up finger. It was like a twisted Freddie Kreuger Hallmark Movie.)


...errand running, to-and-from Idaho road-tripping, Christmas cards in the Costco shopping cart leaving, English toffee making, sick children nursing, in-laws for a week visiting, basketball game-ing, guitar lesson-ing, Chili's Night with friends celebrating, boys haircutting, Christmas plays at school watching, visiting teaching, birthday partying, game nighting, HOUSE CLEANING (which lasted for 2.5 seconds), list-making, freezer dinner flurrying (I made 10 dinners and stocked my freezer), present wrapping, almost-getting-my-power-shut-off panicking, card addressing (someone turned my cards into the Costco info desk when they found them abandoned in a cart), phone in toilet dropping (Jack strikes again)....


...lots of that kind of stuff.


Sadly, I do not have any photos to add to this documentation because I take pictures with my phone. 


The same phone that was kerplunked into the toilet by my toddler. 


The same toddler that is now for sale. 

Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing

Every Monday morning I show up bright and early (9:20am), dressed to impress and cheery as can be (sweaty running clothes and slightly groggy) to do the Monday Folders for Isabelle’s class at school. It is my job to stuff the childrens’ folders with approximately 217 papers each…sign-ups for the school play, classroom weekly newsletter, PTA reminders, and the like.

This is a great gig because for 30 short minutes I can monitor Isabelle’s behavior, get a read on her social skills, shoot the occasional evil eye at the classroom bully and eavesdrop on the teacher.

Yesterday, for the first time, I took the toddler. 

Yesterday was not a great gig.

I thought surely Jack would sit in the reading corner, happy to experience a bean bag for the first time, read a book and watch the students. He did! For about three minutes, until he spotted Isabelle. Evidently, Jack did not understand this is where his big sister disappears to every day.

         “Sis!” he shouted happily, and ran to her desk.  He wanted to sit on her lap, explore the wonders of her (messy) desk and chill with the boys on either side of her.

Pretending to be invisible—which I was not...all 24 kids were highly amused—I patiently dragged him back to the beanbag and plopped several engaging books in his lap.

Jack again escaped to her desk, I pulled him away, got 2 papers inserted into folders, Jack escaped again, I pulled him back…you get the picture.

Finally, he pretended to just stay on the beanbag. Until I turned my back and was lulled into complacency, stuffing maybe a grand total of 3 folders. Then he quietly got off the beanbag, sneaked around behind me THE LONG WAY, behind the teacher’s desk, and then ran full speed to Isabelle—watched by 24 children with bated breath.

         “Sis!” he called, “Hewwp!” (help) The class erupted in laughter—of the Little Rascals variety. (someone please tell me you know what I mean by that.)

Meanwhile, I was DRESSED IN LAYERS. And I had forgotten that the school keeps the thermostat at what surely must be 940 degrees. We were providing quite the entertainment—and I was getting sweatier by the moment. Steam was coming off my head, from heat and toddler-induced grizzlement.

Somehow all the folders got stuffed, while I was trying unsuccessfully to stifle my exasperation, and I sped over to the cubbies to throw all the folders into the kids’ respective slots and get the crap out of there. 

It was at this point that Jack discovered the recess bin. The bin that holds all the 4-square balls. The balls that bounce really high. And make a loud, echo-y “BOING!” noise.

         “BOING!”

         “BOING!”

         “BOING!”         

“BOING!”

         “BOING!”

         “BOING!”

Seriously, no less than six balls were sent bouncing in quick succession all over the classroom like pinballs. With ensuing Little Rascals laughter.

I tossed the few remaining folders on the teacher’s desk and got the heck out of there. Straight to McDonald’s, where Jack got an ice cream (don’t judge my negative reinforcement) and I downed a XL Diet Coke in 37 seconds flat.

And my final thought is this: Good thing Isabelle's class had a substitute that day. 

Tomorrow is Another Day. Channelling my inner Scarlett O'Hara.

I really shouldn't post at night, when I'm prone to discouragement. (I have felt down in the dumps lately, not my usual self.) I really wish my days were going as planned. But they are not, and I'm frustrated.

But Monday & Tuesday this week were good days. We did our Gingerpeeps on Monday night. And Tuesday night we watched "It's a Wonderful Life" and assembled the little nativities from Tuesday's post. Well, Isabelle did hers with my help. She loves to do crafts. Mimi was too tired and Max was engrossed in the movie. They all really loved the movie, which surprised me a little, since it is so different from what they usually watch. But they were glued to it the entire time.

Isabelle's nativity, on her nightstand.

On Monday, Jack got out of bed with the cutest little bedhead ever. All morning, I kept walking by his high chair and burying my nose in those ruffled feathers.

Isabelle, home sick, wanted him to play near her while she lay on the couch. She entertained him off and on throughout the day.
He thought it was pretty funny to have his favorite blankie as a cape and walked around like this for almost an hour.

I'm still taking pictures, nearly every day, of Mimi's school hairdos.

Yesterday Jack helped me put away the dishes, piling everything in the silverware drawer. I love this stage; I have vivid memories of Mimi doing this same thing, 5 years ago. Sniffle.


Yesterday Mimi & I went to get new dance shoes; she sneaked & tried these toe shoes on. She was in HEAVEN.

Tonight Jack had a hard time going to sleep. Again. When will it end??? Ever since Thanksgiving, when he got so sick, he's been really hard to get down at night. He went right down at 6pm on Tuesday, lulling me into thinking he was back to his old self. But no. Wednesday night and tonight were terrible. Tonight, after he finally fell asleep, I peeked in on him and found this:
His pillow and all his blankies, tossed out of his crib.

And there he was, with only his favorite blankie. I guess he'd been searching through everything, gotten grouchy and thrown them out one by one until he found the right blanket. I wonder if that is all he wanted, all along?

A closeup of his round, delicious cheeks.

Isabelle made the cutest Baby Jesus & manger in Activity Days yesterday! It's my new favorite Christmas decoration.

And the best Good Mail I've ever gotten was left at my door today.
I really can't believe it. I started to cry when I opened the little envelope. To think that someone would be so generous to my family at this time of year, when everyone is feeling an economic pinch, is beyond belief. It's humbling.

Thank you, whomever you are, little Christmas Elf.
I love you.

A Quick Backtrack

Quickly, before I continue with the Christmas festivities, I give you some highlights of our Thanksgiving week.
Here is Isabelle's 3rd grade class play, "The Ugly Turkey," about a different-looking turkey who taught all the other turkeys that you judge a turkey by her character and not by her appearance. Notice that Isabelle is a head taller than most of her classmates. Do you think the other turkeys will be judgemental to the tall turkey?

On Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving, we road-tripped to Idaho Falls for a feast hosted by Sky & Heidi--my brother & his wife--whom we just blend into "Skeidi." [Mike remained home to work. I allowed his mom to have custody for Thanksgiving.]

The above photo is the baby pestering Max on our 4-hour drive. It was hilarious! He spent a half hour stretching his foot wa-a-a-a-y over, as far as he could reach, to tap on Max's leg. Max didn't even notice the antics, immersed as he was in making a BB gun from a pen (don't ask). I happened to glance back and saw this little blue jammie foot stretched out so it could bother Max. We spent the next half hour laughing at the baby-pestering.

We arrived safe & sound Wednesday evening, and by 10pm that night it was clear that I had a very sick baby. A screaming, in-pain, inconsolable baby. I walked the floor with him that night from 1-5am. Every night thereafter, for the entire holiday, was spent in a similar manner.

It was a delirious Thanksgiving.

Thank GOODNESS for a mom & dad who helped out when it became too much--like when Baby woke up for the morning at 7am, after being up crying ALL NIGHT. My mom & dad took over so I could squeeze in a few hours of survival sleep.

Or like when, another morning, he decided to get up from 4am-7am after--yes--crying off and on from 1-3am. On that morning, I just started to cry along with him. My dad got up at 4am that day and played with Jack, allowing me to zonk for a few hours.

Thanksgiving recap: The food and company were great. The rest of it was nightmarish.

The baby did sleep quite well each night from 9pm-midnight. Foolishly, I spent that time socializing and playing games. Then I'd fall into bed, only to be awakened an hour later by a screaming baby in pain. (He ended up having two ear infections, the poor brave sweetie.)

I had big plans to document the fun and the food. Didn't happen. A sick, non-sleeping baby by night and a hyper, mischievous baby by day meant no photos. None. I did take a second to snap a photo of their amazing bar stools, which came with their new house.

And on the way home, we saw this beauty. A bubblegum-pink truck. We stared. We laughed. Don't you think my minivan would look great in this color?

(please tell me you caught the tongue-in-cheek tone there.)

Up All Night

All day long today I held this sick little baby while he cried and fussed and squirmed.

Every night before I go to bed, I sneak into his room and change him into a fresh diaper so he doesn't wake up soaked to the skin. When I open his bedroom door, I am hit with a wave of baby smell--so strong, I suppose, because he's been in his room, freshly bathed, with the door shut for hours.

I love the little sleepy sounds he makes as I change him. I love that my mommy-shushing and nonsense talk comforts him back to sleep. I love to rub his warm little round tummy as I zip his jammies up.

But last night his tummy was burning hot. I could feel immediately that he wasn't warm and cozy--he was burning up. And so began a long night--a very long night--of him tossing and turning and being awake, deliriously trying to play with toys and the tv remote.

Today was more of the same. And when Jack is sick, he doesn't have the courtesy to be snuggly and just lay quietly in my arms; he is restless and disquiet. So I don't even get to sit and rock a sick baby--I wrangle one.

And after 24 hours, I'm exhausted. And poor Baby is, too. For a little guy riddled with ear infection, he's been a good little boy and so brave.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Deck Me.

{Secret Note to Self: This post shall take no longer than 10 minutes to write. No more 90-min long posting! You will be finished by 11:30pm or you will run 15 extra punishment minutes tomorrow morning. In the cold.}

Below is the non-secret portion of today's post.

As of three days ago, I have begun decking the halls. It is a compulsion for me to begin the minute after Halloween is over.

I admit that as I answered doors to trick-or-treaters (a grand total of 3--story to follow in a coming post), the Christmas storage bins were waiting in the wings--brought up from the basement but hidden behind a closed door.

I have been secretly listening to Christmas music since the first chill in the air. I have been grinning-and-bearing my way through Halloween and will now reward myself with lights and glitter and garland and (cue the Sesame Street Grover Voice).....sprinkles!
Sweetie Jack was given a candy cane to keep him satisfied and subdued while Mimi & I dove into the frenzy. This was Mantle Decor, Day 1. I've been dreaming up a white & silver mantle, so I started with a huge silver frame and added a white feather boa. The frame has been in my basement Frame Stash for who-knows-how-long (that is an interchangeable term for "approximately how long I've been married"). The boa was from Mimi's chicken halloween costume 3 years ago.

While impatiently waiting for a socially acceptable time to Deck the Halls, I've been avariciously reading The Nester. She opened my eyes to shopping the house and using what you have to decorate, so I've been looking at all my stashes with new appreciation.

Below: I added lights and a few jars filled with white snowball-y looking ornaments. This is all stuff I had from my Endless Christmas Bins.

Mimi has been waiting all year to decorate this little white tree. Well, actually not. As my fingers were typing that sentence my subconscious self remembered the day in June I found Mimi & the cilantro-partner-in-crime decorating the tree with all my blown glass candy ornaments. *&$#@!%!! Seriously. With an fair amount of broken glass on the cement floor.

But she got a second chance and did a good job. {I am now 8 minutes past my deadline. Crap. Why can't I be a fast writer?}

I'm pretty sure she's got visions of sugarplums already.

Here is the mantle about halfway into the process.

The candy cane sugar rush did not deter Jack from going to bed. Here is the little mama about to take him upstairs. Isabelle loves to put him to bed, snuggle him in, arrange his blankies just so around his face, pet his feathers and say goodnight to him.


A day later, I added the mirror--also from the basement. Everything is just kind of thrown up there, but it sparkles so I like it. I'm going to do a fun candy theme on the upstairs mantle where the kids congregate, and I'm not sure about the mantle in my room. I'm just glad we are here in this house to see another Christmas, so I'm having fun making it cozy. We've got a tenuous grip on life with even more tenuous finances. I plan to drown my sorrows in sprinkles.

{20 minutes past the deadline...I'm going to be so sore tomorrow from punishment minutes.}

***Edited to add: Post finished at 11:55pm. Dangit.

Deep Thoughts Inspired by "Toy Story."

• Slept in...until a time that will not be divulged. It's too decadent.

• Saw the "Toy Story" double feature with Isabelle & Mimi. I suspect I enjoyed the movies even more than the girls did; I was that one embarrassing loud-laugher in the theater. In my defense, though, I must state that I have loved "Toy Story" since Max was just a little tyke. That was ten years ago! Whoa.

Lately, Jack has been reclining in his high chair with a bottle when he needs some down time--and what does he watch?...."Toy Story." He LOVES it. I so clearly remember Max doing the same thing; he'd lay down in a floor nest, sip away at a bottle and stare at Woody & Buzz, mesmerized. That was ten years ago, but i can recall the memory so clearly; Max's solid little toddler-body, his fuzzy hair, even the baby-smell of him. It doesn't FEEL like it was that long ago. The memory of him as a little baby is so clear, and yet all of a sudden I've blinked my eyes and here we all are in the Middle Growing Up Years. So I've been a little disoriented today. Where has my life gone? It's speeding by faster than I ever dreamed it would.

(Those 2 bumps are my feet.)

• Took Jack outside to play in the cul-de-sac while Mimi busted her bike outta training wheels! (My approach to training wheels is basically the same one I use with potty training: Keep the safety device ON until the kid is doing it themselves anyway and the training wheels/diaper are a moot point.) I can't believe I didn't get a picture of Mimi's Freedom Ride. Dangit. I was too busy circumventing all the various dangers Jack posed to himself out on the open sidewalk. And in the street. And on the hill. And in the mud. He had a grand time throwing rocks for an hour straight.

(I can't believe he actually keeps these little shades on.)

• Continued my frenzy of decorating for Halloween. I am an abysmal home decorator, but I like to throw things up for holidays. Cozy.



• Picked up the house while Baby napped, Mimi played at a friend's house and Mike took Max & Sis to guitar lessons (THANK you, Mike). A quiet, clean Pine Sol-scented house....it's like Spa Mom.

• Played around with my blog HTML, trying to beautify my template, ending the session with words I can't repeat here because my kids read my blog.

• Oversaw the evening cleanup in the girls' room. Total pigsty. I'd already used my daily quota of adult language while at my computer, so I couldn't even mutter obscenities under my breath. It took them 1 **darn** hour, but Mimi & Sis did pick up that pigsty.

• Put everyone to bed and played around on Photoshop, attempting to learn that **darn** program, and used up tomorrow's quota of obscenities. Sigh.

The kids have had Thursday & Friday off from school for Fall Break and we have planned one activity per day around which to base our vacation. Thursday was "Toy Story." Friday we will go up the canyon to a park. Saturday I want to decorate Halloween sugar cookies with the kids--an excuse to break out the sprinkles! Sunday we will chill and have a Game Night in the evening. (Translation: After church, I will drop into bed for a 3-hr nap and then we will have Game Night.)

Even though I'm wondering for various reasons, none of which I have the energy to go into now, how life could possibly get any more stressful--it's a happy life.

Goodnight.

High on life. Or on sleeping pills. You decide.

Tonight as I write this post, I have a very small window to work with because I took my sleeping pill before sitting down at the computer. (oh, the delight of sleeping drugs; as my mother said not-so-long-ago, "I am in complete control of my sleeping patterns. As long as I have my sleeping pill.") I didn't realize how much I had to write about until I began loading photos; a lot happened, yet not much. The dichotomy that is my life. Lots going on, but nothing monumental. I suppose that is what composes our lives--many seemingly inconsequential tidbits combining to create a life of meaning. (Aristotle, anyone?)

So, a quick run-down of the weekend before I fall into a drug-induced coma onto my keyboard. We received this package on Friday from my mom, which was stuffed full of books for the kids. I was kind of expecting them to open it and say, "Awww, books," and fizzle away to play; instead, they said, "BOOKS!!!" and wanted to read them immediately. Max is very excited to read his, which is an adventure about a boy lost on a river, but can't tear himself away from Fablehaven quite yet. Thanks to the Grande Dame of Good Mail. We love you!


Also in the mail on Friday was a letter tres elegante from darling Claudia. These two morsels of mail cheered my otherwise blase day.


I have been living in between worlds this last week--half of my brain has been dwelling in this book while I go about my daily rigors:
I finally finished on Monday, feeling physically and mentally EXHAUSTED. I'd been reading late into the night, thinking about it all day but unable to read (busy toddler!), then reading again late into the night. A fun read.



Max has been taking Jack out for evening stroller rides, before Baby's bedtime, to calm him down. Unfortunately, that habit is coming to a close due to the sudden chilly weather.


The girls spent Friday afternoon setting up their school--and played far into the night with our cute neighbors, Emma & Lucy. They were so enthusiastic about it and playing so perfectly together, I didn't have the heart to put a stop to it. So basically school was in session in the girls' room from 4-9pm. And the next day Lucy was at the door, 10am sharp, ready for school, bright-eyed and ready to play. They played school ALL DAY, again, from 10am-6pm. I was kissing Isabelle & Mimi goodnight on Saturday, 2 yoga-breaths away from melting down because of their trashed bedroom, and stopped in my tracks and just had to smile. I realized that they hadn't watched one minute of tv or played one minute of video games all weekend. Totally worth the mess.

And then I remembered walking into the room earlier that day, baffled at the total chaos and asking them, "How do you girls make such a giant mess???" Mimi looked up at me from the floor where she was diligently doing her "schoolwork" and said, "But we like to PLAY!" Well. That pretty much sums it up. Totally worth the mess.

(I love these sweetie friends for my girls. They're all going to have such good memories of playing their guts out with each other! Remember Emma from the Cilantro Incident? And their mom Christine, of the famed Yellow Diet Coke Cup, is a lifeline for me. I don't know how I could have survived this last 18 months without her! She's the kind of neighbor who's got your back. The kind of neighbor who won't turn you into Child Protective Services. Thank goodness.)

Anyways. We somehow managed to watch General Conference on Saturday; actually, it was pretty manageable. The girls and friends and baby were in their room listening (mmm hmmm. sure.) on the radio, enabling Mike & Max to watch peacefully in the family room and me to watch on the internet downstairs while I assembled their conference packets for Sunday.

I loved Elder Scott's talk about spiritual promptings and also Elder Bednar's talk about 3 ways to become more "diligent & concerned" at home. These can be downloaded here. Hopefully I will remember to post later about these talks because they impacted me quite deeply.

After the Saturday Conference sessions, I beelined to Ali's house to help with her baby shower she was hosting at her house. Isn't her buffet table pretty? I take no credit for the table layout; I acted as dish-doer, food-replenisher, water-refiller, platter-hauler, punch-maker, brownie-bite-sneaker (did I say that aloud?), kitchen-tidier only. I can't even claim altruistic motives because I was there gathering reconnaissance for my own future gatherings: I wanted to snoop out the logistics of a successful event because I have hostess phobia.


Sunday I made our traditional Conference cinnamon rolls. Actually, it's not much of a tradition, more of a hit-and-miss kind of thing, but it WILL be a tradition. Starting....now. (quoting Kramer from "Seinfeld.")


Monday was chilly and we all thought Jack was so cute in his fall fleece. It was a day off from school (girls, of course, held school upstairs in their room), so we spent the day hanging around the house being cozy and then went to the park.


Here are the kids before school today. Immediately after taking this photo, I thought of this one photo of myself in 1st grade...I have Mimi's EXACT FACE in that photo! It's uncanny, really. And after I emailed this picture to my mom she responded, "This is the most Crystal-lookalike Mimi Rose I have ever seen yet!" (we've remarked through the years, at her different stages, how much she looks like me at said stage.) I really must get ahold of my 1st grade school photo and post the two faces together.


Here's a back view of her hair--what we call "Mouse Ears." I take a photo of Mimi's hair nearly every day because we have such fun doing it each morning. I will have quite the photo documentary of her kindergarten mornings!


This is the Favorite Walking Path this morning. Chilly and the leaves are turning.


Baby wasn't too keen on the 34 degree weather. I suppose I'd better bite the bullet and just start going at 6am again, instead of dragging him out at 9:30. Sigh. It is SO hard to drag out of a cozy warm bed and go running (wogging) in the cold dark!!!

The sky was crisp and blue this morning.

I really, really love this path.

In just 6 short days we went from weather suited to this:

to this...

...to this!

What happened to a nice, crisp Fall? It's frigid!

Jack & I play Run & Chase as part of our morning routine. He giggles uncontrollably and it tires him out for naptime.

These pictures are blurry because he's running.

And chasing.

We also snacked quite decadently on pumpkin chocolate chip bread. Look at that cute little bird mouth. This kid is my joy. I just love him to pieces.
And...the post that I started at 9:50pm has taken me two hours to write. TWO! Now I'm having a anxiety about my 6am wogging-wakeup-call. Drat.