How-To Poach an Egg and How to Kiss. Not at the Same Time.

 Today I am participating in "How-To Tuesday," brought to us by one of my favorite bloggers, Stie. I thought long & hard about what I tips I could share. What could I pull out from my secret bag of tricks to amaze and astound? 

How to blowtorch your weeds without burning down your house or the surrounding hillside?

How to unclog a drain?

How not to dry heave while unclogging that drain? (nah--I actually have no skills in that department...I dry heave every time. EVERY. TIME.)

How to hoard sprinkles? (I excel in this area)

How to grow astonishingly long lashes without using Latisse?

How to hem your jeans, keeping the original, bottom jeansy-looking hem?

These are all things I know how to do and will cover each topic in future "How-To Tuesdays," but today I have something else:

How to Poach an Egg. 

 Here are the items you will need: vinegar, whisk, egg (duh) and a saucepan. And water. 

Get the water just at a simmer, maybe even before the point of an actual simmer. 


Hey, did anyone catch that "simmer" rhymes with "Jimmer?"

As I was typing simmer, my mind did a Freudian thing. 

Simmer. Jimmer. Simmer. Jimmer. (he's cute.)

Okay, back to simmer. Get the water so it looks just like this, where the bubbles are just about to break into a boil but are still clinging to the bottom of the pan. Splash a bit of vinegar into the water; this keeps the white together.

Then whisk until a whirlpool forms in your saucepan. 

I took eleventy billion pictures of whirlpools, and none of them look whirly. Dangit. 

With your whisk in one hand and your pre-cracked egg in the other, gently drop the egg into the middle of the whirlpool. Actually, it's not a drop at all. Put your measuring cup into the water and just let the egg sli-i-i-i-de into the water. 


(This is impossible when you are trying to photograph this process yourself, you have to try to balance the egg and the whisk and your iphone all in two hands while doing the egg drop. 

Next time I'll have my two year old be my photographer--the pictures might turn out better. Either that, or we'd end up with a tutorial on how to poach an iphone.)

There'll be a bit of white that gets away, but not much. Keep the heat at barely a simmer--don't let it boil!--and let it poach for a bit. I like mine at about 4 minutes, which gives a yolk that is soft and just a bit runny in the middle. 


I learned this method HERE, where the explanation is much more articulate and the photos are much better; I'll bet she had her toddler take them. 

Now, for the part you've all been waiting for, "How to Kiss." And no--this will not feature photos of me & Mike. Relieved? Me too. 

Step one.

Step two. 

THERE it is. 

I really like "Room With a View." (He's cute.)

 Simmer.