How-To Poach an Egg and How to Kiss. Not at the Same Time.

 Today I am participating in "How-To Tuesday," brought to us by one of my favorite bloggers, Stie. I thought long & hard about what I tips I could share. What could I pull out from my secret bag of tricks to amaze and astound? 

How to blowtorch your weeds without burning down your house or the surrounding hillside?

How to unclog a drain?

How not to dry heave while unclogging that drain? (nah--I actually have no skills in that department...I dry heave every time. EVERY. TIME.)

How to hoard sprinkles? (I excel in this area)

How to grow astonishingly long lashes without using Latisse?

How to hem your jeans, keeping the original, bottom jeansy-looking hem?

These are all things I know how to do and will cover each topic in future "How-To Tuesdays," but today I have something else:

How to Poach an Egg. 

 Here are the items you will need: vinegar, whisk, egg (duh) and a saucepan. And water. 

Get the water just at a simmer, maybe even before the point of an actual simmer. 


Hey, did anyone catch that "simmer" rhymes with "Jimmer?"

As I was typing simmer, my mind did a Freudian thing. 

Simmer. Jimmer. Simmer. Jimmer. (he's cute.)

Okay, back to simmer. Get the water so it looks just like this, where the bubbles are just about to break into a boil but are still clinging to the bottom of the pan. Splash a bit of vinegar into the water; this keeps the white together.

Then whisk until a whirlpool forms in your saucepan. 

I took eleventy billion pictures of whirlpools, and none of them look whirly. Dangit. 

With your whisk in one hand and your pre-cracked egg in the other, gently drop the egg into the middle of the whirlpool. Actually, it's not a drop at all. Put your measuring cup into the water and just let the egg sli-i-i-i-de into the water. 


(This is impossible when you are trying to photograph this process yourself, you have to try to balance the egg and the whisk and your iphone all in two hands while doing the egg drop. 

Next time I'll have my two year old be my photographer--the pictures might turn out better. Either that, or we'd end up with a tutorial on how to poach an iphone.)

There'll be a bit of white that gets away, but not much. Keep the heat at barely a simmer--don't let it boil!--and let it poach for a bit. I like mine at about 4 minutes, which gives a yolk that is soft and just a bit runny in the middle. 


I learned this method HERE, where the explanation is much more articulate and the photos are much better; I'll bet she had her toddler take them. 

Now, for the part you've all been waiting for, "How to Kiss." And no--this will not feature photos of me & Mike. Relieved? Me too. 

Step one.

Step two. 

THERE it is. 

I really like "Room With a View." (He's cute.)

 Simmer.

These are a few of my...

Favorite snack.

 Favorite shirt.

Favorite hat.

 

 Favorite way to punish my children.

 

Favorite shoes.

 

Favorite way to de-stress.

 

(laughing near you! not at you!)

 

Favorite thing to do with my toddler.

 

Favorite toothless grin.

 

Favorite sister. 

(Even though she's prettier, skinnier and teeth white-ier.) 

 

Favorite big brother.

 

Favorite niece.

 

Favorite pretend house.

("the beautiful grounds at Pemberly") 

 

Favorite pretend boyfriend.

 

Favorite pretend legs. 

*What's your FAVORITE thing in life?

Today I...

You know that scene in the old "Superman" movie, where Superman (a la Christopher Reeve) circles the earth at hyperspeed? Today that was me, chasing my toddler.

It was a fun day because my mom is here visiting. She has been serving as my writing consultant--which I am sure she did not bargain for--and while driving home from the bookstore this evening, she helped me considerably with my opening scene. Between children bickering, me threatening them and aforementioned toddler throwing items all around the car, my mom got me over my mental block on how to write the dialogue for this scene! 

I hope.

It really helps to have someone in the house who watches Jane Austen movies. 

I think I need to get a scheduled rotation going of live-in consultants. People (females only, please) who will let me talk through scenes and plot and characters and brainstorm with me. My mom leaves Saturday; who wants to be penciled in for the 2nd week in March? Anyone? Anyone? ...

Bueller? 

Here is a view from my chair, where I am sitting right now.  Please note the following details: 
  1) the all-important magic yellow Diet Coke cup, given 
      to me by my neighbor & friend Christine. It is one of
      the items I will grab on my way out the door if ever we 
      have a house fire. 
          (Christine, if you're reading this, thank you from the 
                 bottom of my caffeine-addicted heart. Stay gold.)

  2) my midnight snack of brie and baguette. Why can I not
      crave something healthy & good for me, like tofu? 
     
   3) a new book I hauled home from the bookstore, hugging it
      like a little girl with her teddy bear. 

  4) the bowl behind my monitor from last night's midnight 
      snack of tofu. Mint chip ice cream-flavored tofu.  

I have been re-working my opening scene and currently have three versions. 
  Version 1
  Scene opens with heroine spying at library keyhole and 
  gets caught.

  Version 2
  Scene opens with heroine running down the stairs, racing
  to reach the library before her brother & the hated Lord 
  Markston (yes I changed his name & will probably change it again) come in the 
  front door. 


  Version 3
  Scene opens with heroine already sitting in a chair before 
  the fire, smug that for once she is there first and plans to 
  give him a piece of her mind for leading her brother astray
  with his dastardly dastard-ness. But politely.  Mustn't
  allow the social graces to lapse of course, even when 
  telling off your nemesis. I think it has something to do with
  wearing a corset. 


Without knowing much detail (I'm too lazy tonight to give back story), which version do you prefer? 


And here's to hoping that my Big Yellow Cup of diet coke doesn't keep me up until 3am.

Friday Funny

I love this today!

Chapter One

...in which our heroine lands herself in

a very indelicate position.

“This is entirely beneath me,” Charlotte muttered under her breath as she lowered herself to her knees. One should never be on all fours if one was angry. It felt wrong to be in the position of a supplicant when what she really wanted to do was blow through that door and smash a plate over the head of one insufferable Lord Durham.

     “Where is the blasted man?” she muttered again as she strained her eye to catch a glimpse of the scene inside.  A short burst of laughter, deep and masculine, came from stage right, out of peeping range. Ah. They were in front of the fire, then. She gritted her teeth. This made the third consecutive week that her brother had returned home from his Wednesday meeting with that scoundrel. 
     “We’ll just retire for a game of backgammon and to have a tot,” Lord Durham had said in a deceptively bland tone tonight as he had shut her library doors—hers!—in her face. “Manly things, you understand.” She rolled her eyes. Yes, so very manly. As if anyone could envision the infamous Lord Durham having a "tot" of spirits. Tots were for elderly aunties. That odious man was sure to swig straight from the bottle. 

[Charlotte's Mayfair townhouse]

~~~~~~~~~~~~

There it is, blogsters! 

A wee preview of The Book. 

Thoughts? 

Critiques, if you please!

It's 2011 and I:
 * am writing a book (halfway done!)
 * have started wogging again (not quite running yet)
 * chose my word for the year. "Unstoppable."
 * try not to curl into the fetal position every night after a 
    long day with a busy toddler
 * challenge myself to blog every day
 * need a night out. Tonight. (any takers? females only, please.)


 * This makes me happy. 

Fa La La La La...Fell into the Toilet

I am happy to report that the stuffing of the fourth grade take-home folders yesterday was uneventful. I pulled it off without a hitch, due largely (totally) to the fact that the toddler stayed home and, instead of wreaking havoc upon the 4th graders, wreaked havoc in his natural habitat.


December has been a flurry of activity and mishaps. Treat making, house decorating, advent activity-ing, gingerbread cookie-ing, hand slicing, burning hot melted chocolate in aforementioned wound...


(yes. I spilled 3,000 degree chocolate over the cut on my sliced-up finger. It was like a twisted Freddie Kreuger Hallmark Movie.)


...errand running, to-and-from Idaho road-tripping, Christmas cards in the Costco shopping cart leaving, English toffee making, sick children nursing, in-laws for a week visiting, basketball game-ing, guitar lesson-ing, Chili's Night with friends celebrating, boys haircutting, Christmas plays at school watching, visiting teaching, birthday partying, game nighting, HOUSE CLEANING (which lasted for 2.5 seconds), list-making, freezer dinner flurrying (I made 10 dinners and stocked my freezer), present wrapping, almost-getting-my-power-shut-off panicking, card addressing (someone turned my cards into the Costco info desk when they found them abandoned in a cart), phone in toilet dropping (Jack strikes again)....


...lots of that kind of stuff.


Sadly, I do not have any photos to add to this documentation because I take pictures with my phone. 


The same phone that was kerplunked into the toilet by my toddler. 


The same toddler that is now for sale.