A Good Day

I was so glad to go to sacrament meeting today and just be able to soak up the peace the Spirit gives. I've needed an oasis of calm this week and haven't been able to get to the temple--darn those busy babysitters! All the speakers were speaking right to me, I just know it. (I bet they didn't know it!)

One speaker said something in just the right way at just the right time for me: He was talking of a very personal experience of his process of forgiving his mother and said he just finally had to let go of it. And WHOOSH. All my air was sucked out of me and I remembered feeling that exact same thing once: trying to understand how to forgive and realizing that I just had to stop seizing onto the pain caused by another and LET IT GO. Give it to the Savior. At the time, I had been trying so hard to purge an old resentment and cleanse out the upset of a terrible time. Even though it was a terrible time, it was a long-ago time! But I couldn't stop reverberations of bitterness or sadness from seeping through to my current life. I would then re-hash my pain and how I'd been wronged; even though I came out of the experience a new and better person, sometimes old pain would trickle through. And I was thinking about it, driving in the car, where most of my spiritual epiphanies seem to occur, and I finally just thought to Heavenly Father, "I can't do it. And I can't think about it anymore. I'm tired of being upset. You've got to just take it."

And that's when I understood: Just Let It Go.

It happened in a quick flash of clarity, the understanding of how simple forgiveness really is. So when the speaker today said it in just exactly the same way, "Let it go," I felt the Spirit very keenly. And I really, really needed to be spoken to today, to be reached. I wonder if that man felt guided when preparing or giving his talk? I wonder if, as someone is speaking and they touch another in a profound way, they discern it as they are speaking? Do you think they get that same tunnel-vision? Because he was speaking right to me, giving me very personal affirmations that I NEEDED. Badly. I've been navigating 10 days of emotional disrupt and chaos, one thing right on the heels of another. I've been trying so hard to sort through the unexpected emotional storms which have accompanied outside forces coming at me, to be strong, knowing nobody knows how to help me steer my way and nobody knows how it feels to be me. And this whole time all I've had to do is just Let It Go. My Father in Heaven knows. He knows how it feels to be me. He's been with me all these years and has helped me get this far. And now I don't feel so lonely in my burdens.